Chapter 10: What I Can Do Now
Before losing my memory, I was probably running away from various things.
Asuka said, "From my perspective, back then you were just running away from interpersonal relationships."
Arisugawa said, "You probably found refusing troublesome."
Hina said, "Running away from making unpleasant decisions resulted in you not rejecting advances and getting a girlfriend."
She continued, "The relationship with Yumesaki Senpai is not something recent."
In the past, I was afraid of conflicts and abandoned my girlfriend. I was a terrible person, and there's no sympathy for losing my memory.
To regain those memories, it seems that running away again is part of the treatment.
But isn't that the same? As a result of continued escape, I will abandon Hina, who will suffer in front of me, and continue living from now on.
In fact, haven't I become even worse than before? Running away itself is being recommended nowadays.
Running away because of physical pain.
Running away because of emotional pain. If all of these are forgiven, then certainly reality becomes easier to live in.
In that case, is it okay to be content with everything? Is moving towards an easier life the only path for me from now on?
Certainly, there are painful aspects in the current reality. But it's not just me. It's also true for Hina. Surely, Asuka and perhaps even Arisugawa have their own difficulties.
Everyone unconsciously accumulates life through a series of small escapes. And that's fine. Surely, there are many good paths even after escaping.
However, there must be times when you absolutely can't run away. The moment when you decide what kind of person you want to become. At that time, you mustn't run away.
It's not praiseworthy to overlook someone in crisis—a beautiful thought process comes second. By stripping away the platitudes, those who have accumulated experience may find something.
Just like Asuka, who tried to overlook Hina's current situation in favor of prioritizing me.
But I am a blank canvas. I am in the stage of praying on a blank sheet, writing words, drawing, and constructing myself.
Now, I can become the person I want to be. Beyond this wall, a new self awaits. I can choose what kind of person I want to become.
That's why I won't run away. I can't run away. The actions from now on are not only for Hina's sake.
Surely, they are for my sake even more. To connect to the future I desire, I will...
◇◆◇◆
"I love you. Will you go out with me?"
In the classroom after school, I utter those words. Emotions conveyed through lifeless words.
Still, the orange-tinted classroom exudes an emotional atmosphere, lending a minimum sense of romance to the fake confession.
Yumesaki smiles and nods in response to my confession.
"Sure. I like you too."
Upon hearing her reply, her long-haired entourage lets out a cheerful exclamation. Even the short-haired entourage claps.
And the two male students who seem to be close to Yumesaki, who came to witness the confession, whistle.
Arisugawa silently watches over all of it.
"So, we're a couple now?"
"…Yeah." I respond, and Yumesaki smiles with satisfaction.
"I want Arisugawa-san to congratulate us too." Arisugawa blinks and then slowly loosens her lips.
"Yeah… Congratulations, Yumesaki-san. It's amazing to win over Sanada-kun." "…It's especially special to be praised by Arisugawa-san."
Yumesaki said with a shivering voice and licked her own finger.
The current way Yumesaki exists is surely due to her upbringing.
The peculiar environment of being the president's daughter gave birth to a peculiar personality.
I wonder how many people are so obsessed with appearances and actually act on it.
I somewhat admire it, but I have other thoughts as well.
Yumesaki's blond-haired entourage let out high-pitched voices in the empty classroom.
"Now I can say it, Yume got rejected once. I thought Sanada would definitely regret it."
Upon hearing this, two male members of the entourage reacted.
"No way, Yumesaki got rejected?"
"Well, Sanada must be regretting it for sure. Congratulations on your successful confession!"
The boys approached cheerfully with innocent smiles.
The atmosphere in the classroom after school was filled with excitement about the formation of a couple.
"But what does that mean?"
The curtain fluttered.
Yumesaki blinked her eyes and shifted her gaze.
Standing there was Arisugawa.
The entourage also seemed to feel something special in Arisugawa's words, and the lively chatter came to a sudden halt.
"What do you mean, what?"
Yumesaki asked with a smile at the corners of her mouth.
"I'm dating Yuki-kun, you know."
"............Huh?"
Yumesaki repeated the question as if she couldn't believe her ears.
Contrary to the gravity of the content, Arisugawa continued to speak in a light tone.
"I was called here by Yuki-kun. Does that mean he indirectly rejected me?"
At Arisugawa's words, the members of the entourage began to make a fuss.
Yumesaki glanced left and right with her eyes, then grabbed my collar and pulled me closer.
"You're dating Arisugawa!?"
"Yeah, but from today on, I'll be dating Yumesaki."
"...I never told you to go that far!"
Yumesaki is clearly annoyed by my casual tone.
But there's no reason for her to get mad.
"But you won against Arisugawa, didn't you?"
Yumesaki fell silent. The first promise. To offer a victory to Arisugawa, albeit in a twisted way.
"You wanted to win so badly. You said you wouldn't choose the means."
"...Do you think I'm satisfied with this kind of victory? Everything we talked about earlier is pointless!"
"Oh, really? I still have value to be used. The relationship between you and Arisugawa won't disappear just like that," I said.
"No, even Arisugawa-san--"
"Well, just watch. I'll move next to make you my model, right? I'll show you my value. First, let me prove it, my maximum potential."
I shifted my gaze away from the bewildered Yumesaki and turned towards Arisugawa.
Arisugawa returned my gaze with an unaffected expression.
"Arisugawa, is there someone standing in the corridor?"
I asked, and Arisugawa let out a small breath.
Then, she opened the door wide. And there stood...
"...Minato-san," Yumesaki murmured in surprise.
"Hey there. I heard my childhood friend was confessing, so I came to observe... What happened?"
One of the leaders of the three major factions in our year.
The atmosphere in the empty classroom changed with Asuka's appearance.
It was obvious that the boys, in particular, were captivated by Asuka.
"So, what's the situation here?" Asuka asked, and the boys fumbled to answer.
"Huh? Um, well, Sanada confessed to Yumesaki, but Sanada is already dating Arisugawa. It seemed like Arisugawa got rejected, so it's kind of a chaotic situation."
"Oh, I see. My childhood friend turned out to be quite a character," Asuka said as she approached me and delivered a single line.
"─You're dating me too, right? You," she said.
"...Yeah."
As I answered, the classroom fell silent once again.
Neither the entourage nor Yumesaki uttered a word.
I felt a stifled laugh coming from the direction where Arisugawa stood.
"Wha-whaaat!?"
Both the blond long-haired girl and the black short-haired girl simultaneously let out a shriek.
Yumesaki looked up at me with a bewildered expression.
It was more astonishment than disgust on her face.
Of course, it was only natural that the person she thought highly of turned out to be a complete jerk.
And then...
"Me too..."
A figure entered hesitantly through the partially open door.
Yumesaki narrowed her eyes.
"You, Hina...!"
"I was supposed to be dating you, senpai...!"
"What!?"
Yumesaki turned directly to me, this time with a clear expression of disgust.
"Hey! What the hell is going on!?"
"I know, I know!"
"What do you know!?
Yumesaki angrily confronted me with a desperate look.
It's true that I had already exposed my shame by declaring my love for these three girls. This was the extent of the revenge that would spread as a juicy and amusing rumor. While it may not be a significant revenge for others, it was different for Yumesaki, who wanted to be seen as a perfect existence by her surroundings. It was a small retaliation for what I had done to Hina. But of course, this wasn't the only thing.
From this point on, they are unaware of my true intentions.
"So, you're telling me to break up with all of them. Leave it to me," I said, causing Yumesaki's face to turn red with anger.
However, there were surprised reactions of "Huh!?" and "Huh?" coming from Asuka and Hina's direction, and Yumesaki seemed distracted by that.
"Wait, are you serious?"
"Don't come near me."
Asuka reacted slightly and stopped her hand as she reached out to touch me.
"You... could it be, you're going back--"
"Who knows. For now, Hina, stay right there."
"S-Senpai. This whole situation, it's because of me--"
I gestured with my eyes to stop Hina, who was slowly approaching. A new emotion should have been born within Yumesaki. The feeling of superiority that she had kicked those two aside and obtained a boyfriend. But in order to maintain appearances, she shouldn't be swayed by such emotions. ...This is also a punishment for my past self.
While I had a girlfriend named Asuka, I also dated Arisugawa. While I had two girlfriends, I also dated Hina. Even though I don't have memories of those actions in my current state, they are unforgivable. So...
Let me give my past self a special punishment. Not a physical punishment. I'll put her in a state where he'll want to erase his memories again once they return.
I'll wipe out everything my previous self has built and isolate her. The reason my previous self was able to stand tall even alone was probably because he was dating incredible girls.
So, I'll remove those relationships. This is my way of settling the score and going through the process of rebirth.
And if possible... I want to build new relationships with everyone. ...But that's just a desire. So, first things first, I need to focus on what's in front of me.
I direct an artificial smile towards Yumesaki.
"See, I'm the three of spades. I may be weak against other cards, but it all depends on how you use them, right?" I reached out my hand towards Yumesaki.
"Make good use of it, the future president."
"You..." Yumesaki hesitated.
"I'll take care of the trouble, since I've exposed myself this far. Arisugawa will also cooperate, at least until you become a model."
"Don't lie. There's no way you'd go so far as to help me in this situation..."
"...I'll cooperate. Don't you remember what I said during home economics class? I've already made that promise. I'll keep my promise till the end."
Yumesaki gritted her teeth at Arisugawa's response.
"See? If you continue to date me, you can become a model."
It was a hand offered by a man whose value had plummeted.
Yumesaki frowned, unsure whether to grab that hand or not. I could sense her weighing her dream of becoming a model against social appearances.
Until now, Yumesaki had never laid a hand on me. It was clear that she placed great importance on social standing. Yumesaki's motivation to be recognized by someone is significant in her pursuit of becoming a model.
And now, Yumesaki herself was closing the door to her path as a model in front of everyone.
By doing so, she would superficially remove the reason to resent Hina. Superficial, but Yumesaki, who values appearances, would no longer be able to touch her.
A target that could be forgiven by society had appeared, yet it seemed unnatural that she wouldn't switch targets from Hina.
However, this plan came with risks. The risk was that there would be many others who would hate me, not just Yumesaki.
"You're a scumbag."
One of the boys from Yumesaki's clique approached. He had a pierced ear and his tie was loosely tied. He looked intimidating. Well, his actions were faster than I expected. I don't mind getting punched, but I wanted to hear Yumesaki's answer first.
"Grit your teeth, will you?"
Yeah, impossible.
Yumesaki's cunning side is that she seems to be genuinely admired by people like him--
"Hey!"
The boy raised his fist, and I tightly closed my eyes. The sound of wind. The faint smell that brushed past my nose. When I opened my eyes, it was the moment the boy was sent flying into a desk.
"What the hell?!" There was a scream and a loud crash.
The light gold long hair grazed past my nose. Asuka sent the bulky boy flying with a roundhouse kick.
"A-Asuka-san?!"
"Oops, got carried away."
Asuka quickly covered her mouth, looking startled. In the corner of the classroom, Arisugawa clasped her hands together, her eyes sparkling.
...Arisugawa had mentioned that Asuka had a strength that she didn't possess--
I see, so this is it. Wait, her strength is just brute force?!
Asuka let her shimmering hair sway as she let out a small breath.
"Well, yeah. If anyone lays a hand on this guy, I'll kill 'em," Asuka declared, puffing out her chest. Her cronies exchanged words among themselves.
"So, the rumors about her being a former Yankee were true...!"
"I'm not a former Yankee! I'm a former delinquent!"
"Eeek!"
As I watched the boys cower in fear at Asuka's rebuttal, I let out a sigh.
"This situation is far from salvageable..."
"Shut up!"
Furrowing her brows, Asuka glared at me intensely. Her sharp gaze indeed resembled that of a Yankee.
"First of all! If you have any other ideas, speak up! I almost panicked for a moment--"
"Wait, wait, wait! Hold on, you idiot!"
I hurriedly covered Asuka's mouth, and she fell silent like a borrowed cat. Her earlier vigor dissipated rapidly, and her expression loosened.
...I should have done this from the beginning.
When I shifted my gaze to the side, I noticed Yumesaki returning to her cronies.
"Yumesaki, the promise will be kept, right? Regarding Hina."
"...I understand. You did fulfill your promise, that's for sure. I'm not satisfied, but well, I'll go along with it, just for now."
There was meaning in asking in front of everyone. With Arisugawa and Asuka present, Yumesaki couldn't put on a convincing act. By making her publicly announce that she would break up with Hina, whom she valued so much for her reputation, Yumesaki, who placed great importance on appearances, wouldn't be able to touch her.
Yumesaki took out a 10,000 yen bill from her wallet and handed it to Hina.
"Hina, I'm sorry about the figure incident. That really was a coincidence."
"I-I understand... But what about the rumors about me?"
"I didn't spread those. So, well... If anyone says anything, I'll deny it."
Yumesaki made eye contact with her cronies and asked, "Do you all understand?"
In response, her cronies began apologizing to Hina one after another.
For better or worse, mostly worse, it seemed like Yumesaki's opinions held sway within the group.
An apparent reconciliation.
With this, Yumesaki wouldn't be able to harm Hina anymore.
"But I can't accept the money. It's just a reconciliation, after all."
"...I see."
Yumesaki nonchalantly put the 10,000 yen bill back into her wallet and reached for the classroom door.
As she turned her back, I threw my final question at her.
"Yumesaki, what are you going to do? Are you giving up on using Arisugawa as a model?"
"...Yes. I'd rather give up than associate with scum like you."
I chuckled wryly as she looked at me with utter contempt.
I could have dealt the finishing blow right here.
—I had recorded all the exchanges during lunch break.
If I exposed the recording, Yumesaki would have no place to hide.
But I chose not to do so.
I didn't feel disgust toward Yumesaki's misguided actions; it was more about her unwavering pursuit of her desires.
Once she stopped targeting Hina and I had exacted a small revenge, it could be considered the end for now.
I confirmed that when I invited Hina to this classroom.
Yumesaki's actions were thoroughly wrong in causing harm to others. But at the core, the desires behind them were something I also possessed.
Because I wanted recognition for the person I am now.
Undoubtedly, I would lose my place in school due to Yumesaki and her group's influence.
But that was fine.
Without my previous memories and with my personality likely changing, I wouldn't rely on what the previous me had built up.
I would live relying only on what the current me had built.
This selfish conclusion, albeit in a different form, was similar to Yumesaki's.
It could be seen as a decision that betrayed those who cared about the previous me.
That's why I let Yumesaki leave as she was.
As a way to determine my own future.
"... ..."
After Yumesaki's group left the classroom, it became surprisingly quiet, almost as if there weren't four people there. After several tens of seconds, Hina was the first to speak.
"Senpai... um, won't this make your position difficult...?"
"Yeah. That's why I did it. It's for that reason too, Hina, and also... as an opportunity for other things."
Hina widened her eyes and looked down.
...There's no helping it. If I don't say it clearly, Hina will worry about seeing me becoming isolated in the future. And it's a part of my true feelings as well.
Whether she knew or not, Arisugawa let out an amused voice.
"For that reason... does that mean you really want to be alone from now on?"
"Yeah. I've been alone a lot before, and it seemed like there were three of us, but..."
"I see. You really are..."
Arisugawa, the only one here who understands everything, swallowed those words.
In exchange, a soft smile overflowed from him.
"Hehe, Yuki-kun, you really are interesting."
"...Finding this situation amusing, huh? I've thought that from the beginning, but Arisugawa is truly unique."
"Yay, I've been praised."
"I wasn't praising you."
As Arisugawa proudly directed his gaze towards Asuka, I couldn't help but retort.
"...Well, whatever. So, can we settle this relationship... this romantic relationship, for now?"
"...I see. Well, what does everyone else think?"
Arisugawa stared at Asuka intently.
"...I've already made up my mind."
Asuka approached me, gripping my tie tightly and pulling me closer.
Just in front of my eyes, Asuka was there.
"...There's no way I'll separate after this. Don't underestimate me!"
"Huh!? Wait. Even if everyone already considers us broken up, if you continue to be with me, your position will also be in jeopardy, you know?"
"Then I'll go down to hell with you. I don't plan on quitting being your girlfriend. Even if you say we've broken up now, when your memories return, things might not be the same, right?"
"We were fighting and not getting along..."
"Shut up!"
As Asuka tried to continue speaking, Hina bounced up and down behind them.
"Um, um! I want to, too! I mean, my original environment was messed up, and now the only way to go is up! And it's all thanks to Senpai. So please let me continue my idol activities!"
"Well, you can continue your idol activities even if we're not dating, right?"
"But it's tough to be moved from the front row of the arena to the second floor!"
Feeling a mixture of relief at Hina's cheerful expression and frustration at the chaotic situation resurfacing, I sighed and buried my head in my hands. Sensing my state of mind, Azusagawa calmly began to speak as if singing.
"You know, you went about this the wrong way. There must have been a better way to handle this without ending up in such a situation."
"Well... I couldn't think of any other way that wouldn't cause more trouble for you guys."
"Well, that's true. I know that despite asking for help, I became someone who was difficult for you to rely on."
Asuka quietly lowered her gaze, perhaps regretting her suggestion to expose Hina's secret. Since it was a choice that weighed me against Hina, I couldn't blame Asuka.
"...You helped me today, so you don't have to worry about it."
I muddled my words, conveying my intention in a way that only the two of them would understand. Surely Asuka wants me to regain my memories. Perhaps her statement of staying with me was to increase the chances of my memories returning.
I, too, deep down, want to be with everyone. But if I do that, I won't be able to settle things with my past self...
"Yuki-kun, since I helped you, you should keep your promise with me too," Asuka said with a smile.
"Huh? When did we make a promise?"
"In the hospital room. You said, 'If I protect you instead, let's extend this relationship.'"
I searched my memories, and the vague recollection gradually became clear.
"...I-I did say that. But did I mention what would happen if I refused?"
"I would tear it up."
"Wait, did I just get threatened?"
I instinctively flinched. Seeing my reaction, Arisugawa chuckled again.
...She's so kind.
While I have a desire to settle things, I also want to know more about everyone. Azusagawa must have seen both of those feelings and is trying to bring me back, even if it's somewhat forcibly, making it easier for me to nod.
"...Alright, I understand," I replied, and Asuka nodded happily.
"...Saki, I don't really understand what's going on, but this time, I can only praise you. And thank you," Asuka said to Arisugawa, who then sparkled with delight.
"Aww, I'm so happy to be praised by Asuka-san!"
"Hey, don't come near me and touch me!"
Asuka desperately tried to pry Arisugawa off as she clung to her chest.
"But really, I don't know what lies ahead."
"As long as we're all together, there's nothing to worry about," Arisugawa responded, and Asuka smiled back at me.
"That's right. I may not be of much help, but as long as you two are on my side, I feel at ease."
Hina, who agreed cheerfully, received an apologetic smile from Asuka. Perhaps she was contemplating when to apologize directly.
"...Go and come back," I said, and Asuka widened her eyes in surprise. With her thoughts understood, Asuka seemed to have made up her mind.
She nodded silently and took Hina's hand, leaving the classroom. They probably wanted to apologize to each other privately.
Temporarily, I was left alone with Arisugawa. In this situation, I recalled the words she had told me earlier.
...There was a better way, huh?
Once I calmed down, I realized that my plan indeed had too many uncertainties.
"If you thought there was a better way from the beginning, why didn't you tell me?"
Arisugawa shifted her gaze towards me and smiled faintly.
"Well, you did say you wanted to overcome it on your own, right? It's your first obstacle. That's why I didn't want to cooperate too much."
Then, she turned towards me and continued speaking.
"From now on, don't rush into things without thinking. The view you'll see is all yours."
"I see... Yeah, you're right. Thank you."
...It might be the first time.
It was the first time I sincerely thanked Arisugawa from the bottom of my heart.
"From now on, let's work together. Yuki Sanada-kun."
Arisugawa smiled warmly.
--Click.
In my mind, I heard the sound of a door opening.
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