Prologue
The sudden downpour quickly soaked the streets. It is still March.
It is the middle of spring break, between the freshman and sophomore years of high school. The weather is unpredictable.
Holding an umbrella, I hurried to the station.
"Ko-chan! Over here!"
The station entrance, with its barely-there roof, was crowded with people seeking shelter from the rain.
As I turned toward the sweet voice in the middle of the crowd, the owner waved at me.
She has pale, porcelain skin and large, feline eyes.
Her well-proportioned nose and captivating features are enchanting even in silence.
She is a beautiful girl who seems to have been made by God with a special soul.
"Thank you for coming! I'm so happy! I love you! I missed you!"
As I approached her, the beautiful girl suddenly beamed with joy and jumped into my embrace, like a lover reunited after ten years of separation.
Her actions attract the attention of everyone around her.
"Hey, hey! What were you doing when you were away from me today?"
This beautiful girl is Kururi Iruka. She is 15 years old.
She is my younger sister.
This younger sister of mine always hugs me with a smile when she sees my face and visits my room whenever I have free time.
If I'm out, she calls me, and if she doesn't see me at home, she looks for me, and when she finds me, she sits next to me, wants me to stroke her head every two hours, holds my hand, and always wants attention.
In short, she is a "spoiled" little sister.
Kururi refuses the umbrella I offer her and instead steps into my umbrella.
"Holding an umbrella makes my hands feel heavy, so why not just take your umbrella home, Kou-chan?"
Kururi smiles and comes towards me.
"You're so weak... I carried it all the way here, so please let me know if you don't want it."
"No."
While debating with Kururi, I pick up an empty coffee can that fell in front of me and put it in the garbage bag I'm holding.
An elderly woman passing by calls out to me.
"Ah, young man, thank you. I'm safe thanks to you."
"No, I didn't do anything."
Kururi, observing the situation, opens her mouth.
"Could it be that Kou-chan came here to change the world again?"
"I haven't done anything to change the world."
A man who walked in front of us while we were talking threw a cigarette butt onto the street.
I quickly grab the man's arm.
"Wow! What is that about?"
"This is a very rude request, but... I want you to dispose of your garbage properly."
"Huh?"
The man looks at me with dissatisfaction, but when I ask him with a sincere look, he picks up the cigarette butt after clicking his tongue, perhaps thinking it's annoying.
"Good, you seem to understand."
"Ahaha, Kou-chan wins!"
Kururi, who was watching, laughed.
I have always had a serious personality, which makes it difficult for me to make friends because I am inflexible.
On the other hand, Kururi is cheerful, lively, and has many friends, but her behavior is rude and messy.
If I were a classmate and in the same class as her, I'd be the kind of person who wouldn't say a word.
In sibling relationships like ours, there is often a pattern of the cheerful younger sister avoiding her older brother, but that doesn't apply to Kururi.
She has always been close to me.
"Do you like our handshake?"
"Yes! They like an angel!"
Kururi likes cute girls and is always busy watching idol videos from all over the world.
She doesn't have a particular favorite and is a girl whose interests change easily, but for the past two or three years she has been following a girl named Momono Mizutani, one of the members of the female idol group Ohagi Komachi.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
"Yes, that's a relief."
"But the next live broadcast is quite far away, so please come with me, Kou-chan."
"Oh, I understand."
"Well, of course!"
Laughing, Kururi picks up a dropped candy wrapper from the sidewalk, puts it in the garbage bag I'm holding, and laughs again.
I walk home with Kururi.
After washing my hands and drying my slightly wet hair with a towel, Kururi zooms ahead of me.
"Kou-chan, do it to me too!"
I pat her head gently.
As I put the towel in the washing machine and walk into the dining room, Kururi is fiddling with her cell phone on the table with a grin on her face.
I don't know what she's looking at, but she's smiling at the screen.
Kururi uses social media to keep in touch with her friends.
I don't have a selfie profile picture, so I don't have many followers.
It's all filled with photos of food and information about idols.
I just upload that kind of stuff.
"Isn't it time to announce the results soon?"
"Uh, ah, well...! I'm a little nervous! Kou-chan, what should I do?"
"If you could forget something that important until now, you'll be fine..."
"No, but Kou-chan just reminded me..."
"...I'm going home."
I hear a small voice behind me and when I look back, I see my other younger sister, Yotsuba, standing at the door.
"Welcome back, Yotsuba. Was the rain heavy? Did you bring an umbrella?"
"I folded it and put it in my bag."
And unlike Kururi, who talks a lot, Yotsuba is very quiet.
"Welcome back, Yotsuba. Did you go out to play?"
Kururi rushes over and hugs Yotsuba tightly.
Yotsuba calmly looks at the clock on the wall. It is 4:30 in the afternoon.
"What about mom?"
"Isn't she in her office?"
"I just saw her outside the bathroom, but she seemed busy, she was a little nervous."
Yotsuba makes an unhappy sound, "Muu..."
If my mother is busy and doesn't come out of her room, Yotsuba seems unhappy about it.
"I'll call her right now."
Saying that, I get up. Kururi stops Yotsuba from following me and leads her into the TV room.
"Let's stay here, Yotsuba. Mom will come soon."
When I go to my mother's office, the door is open and I hear my mother's serious voice from inside with the phone pressed to her ear.
"I want to show you a little immoral incestuous feeling. Piledriver and piledriver!"
As if realizing the situation, my mother suddenly turns to me with a shocked expression on her face.
After confirming that it's me, she takes a deep breath.
"Hey, is the door open? I'm glad it's you, Kou-kun."
"Yes. Yotsuba is back and Kururi's graduation will be announced soon."
"Is it time already? I'll leave as soon as I'm done."
"I understand."
My mother is a popular erotic manga artist.
Since she works from home, Yotsuba is forbidden to enter her room.
It's sad, but there's nothing I can do to prevent an even sadder situation.
As I'm about to return to the dining room, the front door opens and my father comes home.
"Tadaima! What about Kururi-chan's announcement?"
"It's not 5 o'clock yet, there are still twenty minutes."
"Great, I got here just in time."
My father, who always has a straight back and good posture, is a police officer.
I'm 16 years old and still growing, but my father is taller and stronger than me.
Despite his stern appearance, my father is a gentle person and rarely gets angry.
17:00.
The whole family gathers in the living room.
Everyone's eyes are glued to Kururi's smartphone, sitting in the middle of the sofa.
Kururi's thin, white fingers move across the screen.
Rows of numbers appear.
The whole family holds its breath, not saying a word.
After a few moments, Kururi speaks.
"It's, it's, it's this!"
My parents cheer loudly, "Oh!
"That's it! That's it, Kou-chan."
With a happy smile, Kururi shows her cell phone, which displays her brightly shining exam results.
My mother applauds while holding a piece of bread and says,
"Congratulations on your graduation, Ku-chan!"
"Congratulations, Kururi-chan!"
"Big sis, congratulations..."
After my family, I also say "Congratulations".
Kururi, who usually only jokes around, hugs her smartphone with a relieved expression, rosy cheeks and tears in the corners of her eyes.
"Thank you... My heart feels a little fragile..."
"Do you want cake to celebrate?"
"Cake and meat."
Kururi will enter Kakuen High School this spring, the same school as me.
It's not a school that produces many students who go to prestigious universities every year, but it has the highest deviation value in our neighborhood.
Kururi dislikes studying, but she worked hard during her third year of middle school.
That's the most I know from watching her study.
As I stand in the back of the kitchen with my arms crossed in front of the calendar hanging on the wall, Kururi hugs me from behind.
"Kou-chan!"
"It's good for you."
"Yeah!"
"It's really great."
"Praise me more. Caress me."
As she says this, she tilts her head so that I reach out and run my fingers through her hair.
Her straight hair, smelling faintly of shampoo as I tousle it.
When I release my hand after chatting for a while, Kururi pouts her lips in dissatisfaction.
"...Is it done already?"
"There's no other choice."
I stroke her again and again. Soon the happy face with narrowed eyes and a slightly open mouth appears again.
"...one more minute."
After a minute, I stop my hand.
Kururi puts her hands on my shoulders and makes me bow.
"Thank you, Kou-chan. I love you!"
She smiles happily and presses her lips to my cheek.
Kururi's entrance ceremony in the morning is really beautiful.
In retrospect, it would be a day I would never forget, but in the morning, I never expected anything that would shake me that night.
After doing exercises with the elderly men and women who have become my friends in the neighborhood.
I returned home from my daily routine of picking up trash and running.
At home, my parents were busy getting ready.
My mother shouted, "Oh, the skirt I wore last year is too tight! Why?!"
Meanwhile, I was surprised to see Kururi chewing on toast in the dining room.
"Kururi... what's with the hair..."
"Hehehe, does it suit me? I did it last night."
Kururi had bleached and dyed her hair, which fell down to her shoulders.
"What are you doing if this is the entrance ceremony?"
The image of the idol that Kururi admired as her favorite came to mind.
When she wore her stage costume, her hair was golden, probably a wig.
Kururi seemed even more excited than usual when she looked at the photo.
Before my eyes, Kururi twirls and strikes a pose.
"... This is a violation of school rules. Return it immediately."
"I'm wearing the uniform too! Doesn't it look good on me?"
"Are you even listening to me?!"
"Kou-chan, don't I look good in your uniform? Isn't it cute?"
"It's really cute and it suits you."
"Thank you."
"Kururi, that hairstyle... you are imitating 'Momon', right?"
Upon hearing this, Kururi looks surprised.
"No, Kou-chan, support is something to be seen and something to be supported! I really like you and have developed a desire to assimilate, but I'm not interested in the idol industry or endorsements... the cuteness and brilliance of it."
"... But I heard that you got an offer a few days ago, too."
"Oh, did you hear it from Mom? Every time I go to live events or handshake events, I get offers, but I turn them all down on the spot. I'm not interested."
"Oh, I see..."
Kururi surpasses other idols in cuteness, but she's also stubborn, and being an idol is a profession that can't be based on looks alone.
I'm glad Kururi is stubborn; I've heard that the entertainment industry can be a scary place, and I don't want her to do a demanding job.
"... Apart from that, I'll do something about your hair as soon as possible..."
Yotsuba enters the living room and mumbles, "You look beautiful," and Kururi grabs a piece of cake and says, "Thank you!" like an idol at a concert.
My mother, dressed up for the entrance ceremony, also enters and opens her mouth.
"Wow, Ku-chan, that looks so good on you. You're so cute, Kou-kun, it's really cute, but is it okay with the school?"
"It's not allowed...!"
"Hey, it's not good to be late, so let's go! Kou-chan, you're going to give a speech as the student representative, right? It's not good to be late!"
I forgot, but it's true that the junior who was supposed to do it is very nervous, so I was asked to step in.
But I'm more worried about Kururi's hair color.
My father, who had just finished getting dressed, saw Kururi at the front door and opened his mouth wide.
"Ku, Kururi-chan... that hair."
"It suits me, right?"
"It looks good, but it's not suitable for high school. Change it back."
"I can't do it today."
They have a similar conversation to mine, but of course they can't do anything now, so they all go to the entrance ceremony together.
First, it takes about twenty minutes to walk from my house to the nearest train station.
We usually walk or ride our bikes to the station, but today we took the bus together as a family.
From there, we took a train two stations away and walked ten minutes from the station to our destination, Kakuen High School.
Kakuen High School used to be a castle called Kakuen Castle, but it was converted into a school, so there are still remnants of the building.
There is a moat around the school building, and the school gate resembles a castle gate.
Whether true or not, there is a legend of a buried treasure, and every few years someone seems to dig the ground in search of it.
Today, the entrance ceremony sign was placed in front of the gate, and many students and parents took commemorative photos in front of it.
Our family, of course, waited our turn and took several family photos.
It felt strange to be the center of attention, so I listened carefully to my surroundings.
Judging from the mix of words like "very cute" and "hair," it was definitely Kururi who was attracting people's attention.
In fact, Kururi, my younger sister, is very cute.
Kururi wears a high school uniform that combines a kimono, just like the school building that maintains a traditional Japanese atmosphere.
From now on, when I think of high school boys whose minds are filled with three obscene letters (Ero), they will probably start rushing around like sea cucumbers.
Finally, the ceremony ended safely, and everyone went back to their respective homes.
"Kou-chan, you were really cool! Hey, Dad, did you get the video right?"
"Yes, I did. Let's connect it to the TV and watch it together later."
"I'm tired, so I was thinking of buying pizza today, but I'll choose it with my dad."
"I spilled some juice."
"Wow, Yotsuba spilled it. Mom, I wonder if it will stain."
"Wait, I'm not sure which pizza to get... Huh? Did you spill it on your clothes?"
The living room buzzes with confusion as no one knows who said what, and a sense of relief fills the air now that the ceremony is over.
After the pizza arrives and everyone is seated at the dining room table, my mother exclaims loudly.
"Let's have a family meeting about Ku-chan's hair!"
I hear Kururi's voice say "Uhee".
"For some reason, that seems to be okay. My paternal great-grandfather believed me when I told him that I have natural hair because he was of mixed race.
Do you believe me? No, it's true that Kururi is a bit unconventional and strangely doesn't look like a troublemaker.
If you were a little more remorseful and dignified, I might even believe you... No, maybe I've just lost the urge to hurry.
Which one is it? I don't know what my first impression was.
When the hair color is reversed, the lie that the hair is natural is exposed.
Kururi argues passionately that this will lead to frustration and bullying.
But on the other hand, it was only fitting, since she had been lying from the beginning.
I tried to convince her, but my mother gave up, saying with a confused expression, "Once you make up your mind, you'll never listen to me.
That's right, she probably didn't hear what I said.
Kururi is strong. For a long time now, I've never listened to other people's opinions, no matter how small the decisions I've made for myself.
I have no choice but to give up. I might get tired in the end, and it seems I have no choice but to keep patiently persuading her.
In this way, our family is a peaceful family despite the small problems.
I have always loved my family.
There are some people in high school who think it's uncool to act with your family or have love for your family, but I've never felt that way.
Good or bad, family is something you are given at birth and cannot avoid.
I have been blessed with a good family.
My parents, who love me unconditionally just because of our blood relationship, and my younger sisters, who depend on me, their existence is precious, and I cherish them.
At that time, I had no doubt that such days would continue.
But on the night of the initiation ceremony, after falling asleep once, I woke up.
I looked at the digital clock next to my bed and saw that it was after 1:00 a.m.
Feeling thirsty, I went to the dining room so as not to wake my family.
However, the light was on through the frosted glass door, and I could hear voices coming from inside.
Apparently, my parents were talking.
"But one day they will find out."
"That's true. If they suddenly find out, we'll need a copy of your family register..."
"What are you talking about?"
"...Hahh!"
As I entered the dining room, my mother was startled and a glass of beer fell on the table.
About half of the remaining yellow liquid quickly spilled onto the table.
I picked up the fallen glass, and my father quickly wiped it with a napkin.
My mother, however, was still confused. It was rare for my mother, who usually walks at her own pace, to be so flustered.
"Mitsuyuki-kun... I want to tell you something. Can you sit down for a moment?"
When my father said that, my mother let out a surprised sound.
"Eh, Shiro-kun..."
"As expected, let's talk honestly here."
"But..."
"It's okay. Mitsuyuki-kun is a good boy and besides, our family won't change because of this."
At that point, I had a bad feeling. But I felt like I couldn't let it go without asking.
"Actually... Mitsuyuki-kun and Kururi-chan are not biologically related."
"Eh?"
Of course, Kururi, who is petite and has a flamboyant appearance, doesn't resemble me at all.
However, my parents never said anything like that.
In general, such serious birth secrets are a work of fiction, and I never expected it to happen in my laid-back family.
My parents met at a daycare center as single parents and remarried when their children were two and three years old.
I am my mother's biological child, and my mother divorced my biological father.
The reason was that my biological father had an affair when my mother was pregnant, and even after the divorce he never paid child support.
He said he had never seen him since the divorce, and he said he would never see him again, and it seems that Kururi's biological mother, my stepfather's ex-wife, is a widow.
She's half French and half Japanese, so I'm sure that's why Kururi has a slightly non-Japanese appearance.
I listened with bitterness to what my father said so easily.
In other words, I am not related to my father or Kururi by blood.
"But I think of you as my own child. Can you tell me that?
It's crystal clear. This is my father. I won't waver, no matter what happens. I nodded gently.
"But for Yotsuba-chan... I think I'll keep quiet. She's still young, so there's no need to tell her..."
"...That's true."
Only Yotsuba has our blood, she has a blood connection with everyone, and she's the one who keeps our family together.
Even though I am selfish, I also want Yotsuba to treat me without knowing it.
"What should Kururi-chan do?"
"Ku-chan, she doesn't have to know, right?"
My mother replied in a panic.
"Yes."
My reason for agreeing is that the shock I feel right now is more extraordinary than I expected and I don't want her to experience the same thing.
"Of course... Kururi-chan might not be able to accept it as calmly as Kou-kun."
"That's true. Besides, Ku-chan loves Kou-kun too much... I'm a little afraid because I can't predict what will happen when she finds out... It's normal for her to be shocked and sad... but I think it's better if we keep a lid on it and..."
My mother mumbled her concerns in an inaudible whisper.
If it hadn't been for such a careless accident, she probably wouldn't have told me.
"Father, Mother."
Hearing my voice, they both looked at me.
"I won't change anything."
I said firmly and stood up.
"Kou-kun!"
The family of three hugged each other and separated.
When I returned to my room, I hesitated for a moment, but finally opened the drawer of my study desk.
When I received a sudden influx of information, I took a certain action.
I took out a tablet and a pen from the drawer and opened an illustration application.
From there, without much thought, I started drawing.
This is my secret hobby that I have never told anyone in the world.
Drawing is a fun, cheap and easy way to relieve stress.
I am usually serious and tend to suppress a lot of things, so I have many opportunities like this, and every time I do it, I get better.
I always draw illustrations of cute girls.
Today, with my heart feeling insecure, I drew a woman in a cute maid's outfit.
I drew and drew. Thick black hair. Ruching on the apron.
Folds in the skirt, filled with colors expressing anger or sadness.
As I did so, countless memories of her family flooded my mind.
I tried to open it, but stopped when I heard the conversation.
"When should you tell him..."
"Isn't it okay if I don't tell him anymore? There's something about Kou-chan too... I don't want the kids to feel uncomfortable."
The face of a father who is always strong and kindhearted.
I respect him as a police officer and have decided to follow the same path.
But I don't have his blood in my veins.
The person I was told was a social outcast is my biological father somewhere.
I moved the pen to create a delicate expression with confused eyes, slightly flushed cheeks, and a slightly open mouth.
I wonder if I have the trash genes and not the honest ones.
No, it has nothing to do with genetics. But why am I drawing this picture? Isn't it just my mother's genes?
Determine the source of light and create shadows. The body lines are drawn as softly as possible, the shadows on the clothes are meticulously detailed, and the facial expression, pose, and movement of the clothes create a dynamic impression.
I flip the drawing over and over to check it.
The canvas gradually distorts and becomes difficult to see.
It doesn't matter if we are related by blood or not. Family is family.
Although I am thinking rationally, for some reason I feel a slight boiling of emotions like anger.
I rub my eyes once and focus on the painting again.
That's it. Now I concentrate on creating the character in front of me.
I create her with a strong urge to destroy something, with a strong push of anger.
Several hours later, in the middle of the night, I finished the drawing of a music teacher who secretly works part-time at a maid cafe, using several layers.
Her name is Ayano Yoshimura. It's a powerful piece, depicting the moment when her hobby of collecting BL books becomes overwhelming and she's struggling with money, and when she secretly works part-time at a maid cafe, she's caught by a male teacher who's her co-worker, and she tries to escape in a hurry.
Normally, I would upload it directly to Pixiv, and by getting reactions there, my stress, which tends to build up, would be cut in half.
Because this is an original piece, not many people see it, but one day I got a reaction from an artist I admire, and my stress melted away like ice.
The time I spend on this hobby is a very precious way to free myself from the oppression I was told at school, and even my family says I'm too serious.
Sadly, I erase the drawing I made that day.
It's to free myself from the memories that will come up in my mind when I look at that drawing, no matter how good I am at drawing.
It's like a fleeting sand painting, but it also contains the meaning that by deleting it, my stress will disappear at the same time.
I click the button to erase the drawing.
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