Chapter 3 - Reality is sweeter than pudding (Part 1)
My Confession...
I, Machikawa Iori, experienced bullying during my elementary school years.
This is not an extraordinary story.
I once read in an academic book about animals, which my mother bought as a reference for her comic book at the time, that dolphins are also troublesome creatures.
They torment, disturb, and sometimes even kill weaker individuals within their group due to stress.
Humans are similar to dolphins in this regard.
At school, workplace, social media, and even at home, it's not surprising that people target the vulnerable as a way to release their stress.
Back then, in April when I entered 2nd grade, I was part of such a group of 'weak individuals.'
The reason was quite simple – I was overweight.
Although my height was below average, my weight was about 8 kilograms heavier than the average, and those 8 kilograms truly weighed me down back then.
I was pointed at from afar and loudly mocked, punched by many in the boys' restroom, found my textbooks scribbled with words like 'fat' or 'fatty lump' ...and so on.
Every day, I was fodder for the bullies.
Why didn't I seek help from my family, teachers, or other friends?
Even children have their dignity.
The fact that I was being bullied made me feel ashamed, utterly embarrassed, to the point where just thinking about it almost brought me to tears.
Many people in this country can't ask for help from anyone because they're ashamed of their situation.
And besides, what if I did open up about everything, but the bullying didn't stop?
Just thinking about it, I couldn't sleep at night.
But, well...
Fortunately, in the winter when I was in 3rd grade of elementary school, the bullying towards me suddenly came to an end.
This happened after a year and a half of being the target of stress relief for the bullies.
Ironically, I also developed a stomach ulcer due to excessive stress, which led me to spend three weeks in the hospital.
And only after that did my mother, father, and younger sibling find out that I had been a victim of bullying.
My parents managed to secure a promise from the homeroom teacher to "put an end to the bullying against Iori-kun!"
Even as a child experiencing it, I knew the reality wasn't as simple as that.
After leaving the hospital, despite losing around 10 kilograms due to illness, I returned to school with a heavier burden.
But, after about a week, I began to notice a change.
I wasn't called out by the bullies.
I thought, "Wow, the teacher managed to convince them and stop the bullying!" I felt grateful with teary eyes.
But then I realized that it was just a misunderstanding.
"You're getting thinner. You used to be our target, but it's not fun messing with someone who isn't fat. So, we'll just leave you be!"
Those were the words spoken with a smile by the leader of the bullying gang one day after school.
It wasn't because of the teacher. That was the moment when I was in 3rd grade, finally realizing a very simple fact: that the only reason bullying happened was because I was overweight.
With the haunting ignorance, at that time, the young Machikawa Iori never thought about it.
That just because he was a little different from the others.
Being the reason he had to suffer, all because of something so trivial.
I believed there was a serious issue within my personality. So, when I realized the truth, even though my stomach ulcer should have healed, I felt nauseous.
Reality isn't as sweet as the anime we watch every Sunday.
Humans can easily hurt each other.
Turns out, things that are common knowledge known by anyone who's grown up are far heavier than the fact that I was being bullied.
Furthermore, I have a younger sister.
Fortunately, she never became a bullying target like me.
But I imagined that if a new opportunity arose and bullying happened again, my sister could easily become the next victim...!
Thinking like that, I took action immediately.
I tried to make many friends. The more friends, the stronger the protection against bullying.
Even though at that time, 3rd grader Machikawa Iori didn't fully grasp the word "protection," he might have felt it instinctively.
Like small anchovies forming a large group to protect themselves.
Every day, I worked hard to be liked by everyone and improved both physically and academically.
Luckily, I had one advantage: the ability to read other people's expressions.
In my daily life, constantly observing the bullies' expressions, I became more skilled at sensing others' emotions through their facial expressions.
I made the most of my advantage.
I did things others wanted me to do, found out what others wanted to talk about, and created an atmosphere that made others feel comfortable.
Previously, I wasn't very adept at speaking with others, but now I aimed to be more sociable.
What's crucial is the smile.
A smile is an effective weapon to lower others' guard and narrow the distance.
So, I tried to become more skilled in smiling than anyone else.
Upon entering junior high school, I focused on improving my communication skills as much as possible.
I even asked my mother if I could assist as a substitute in sending work emails and interacting with adults.
I also maintained good posture, spoke at a moderate pace, talked assertively while maintaining eye contact.
I learned how to use hair wax from YouTube.
And lately, there are plenty of affordable clothing options online. So, I bought a few.
I even gathered the courage to visit a beauty salon.
I made every effort I could to enhance my appearance.
And as time went by... Machikawa Iori entered Ayasaka High School, a private school in Kanagawa Prefecture with a good ranking.
I, who had become skilled at being a true expert in fake smiles, entered class 1-A as one of the 'main members' in the class.
I was no longer the target of bullying.
Thanks to my strengthened communication skills, I had many friends.
From the outside, it seemed like a very happy life every day.
However, true friends who could genuinely open my heart were absent at school.
Because I was used to hiding everything behind a smile, analyzing facial expressions to understand the speaker's desires, and adapting to others.
That's why I became so intrigued by Ayana Suzuhara, who was never close to anyone.
Oddly, it felt as if I had met her before.
There was a sense of déjà vu, as if we had exchanged words in a distant past.
"Suzuhara is really cool and interesting, isn't she?"
"Hah!? You like bookish girls like that?"
"Her face is like that of a model, right? But she lacks attitude, so she's not worthy of being a love interest."
"They say people like that can look adorable when they smile!"
"Hahaha! Don't make me laugh! No one has ever seen a loner girl like her smile!"
Classmates commented like that because she wasn't like Machikawa Iori, who always showed a smile to everyone.
Suzuhara was the complete opposite of me.
She never tried to join groups and preferred to navigate the vast sea called high school on her own.
"Hehe."
However, even though just once, I had seen Suzuhara smile.
One day during break in class, she sat in the seat closest to the window, gazing at her phone screen, and slightly relaxing her cheeks with a faint smile.
"Are you communicating with your friend on LINE?"
"...None of your business."
When I asked out of surprise, she responded with her usual coldness.
Strangely though, I didn't feel bad.
Maybe Suzuhara also had friends.
Someone who could make her smile just through communication.
As I thought about it, I could really feel it.
Because I also had a similar friend, and we were discussing our hobbies through DM.
That was Sabatora-san.
He was an online otaku friend with whom I didn't need to read emotions from facial expressions.
He was the only close friend I could fully trust.
I was thrilled when we decided to live together in the same apartment.
I was confident we'd be fine if we met in the real world after opening our hearts to each other all this time.
I thought that way, but...
"I'm sorry. I hope you don't talk to me much in the real world."
Suzuhara said that in the living room of this 3LDK apartment, located on the 7th floor of a 10-story apartment building, a 15-minute walk from Shin-Himegaoka Station.
"I'm really sorry. I act this way even after you let me stay here. It doesn't mean I don't like Machikawa-kun. It's just that... it's difficult for me to interact with people in the real world..."
She genuinely apologized deeply while bowing her head.
"No, I should be the one apologizing. I didn't pay attention to you."
Though I was surprised by her sudden announcement, I started thinking.
'I really trust Iori from the bottom of my heart.'
She said that at the station, but Sabatora-san is a shy person.
-- It's clear that interacting with a male peer under one roof is difficult.
That's probably why she changed her mind after coming to the house.
Or maybe...
"You've prepared a room for me, right? While you're at home, I'll try not to leave that room as much as possible."
"So, you're isolating yourself?"
"By doing that, we can reduce contact between us. After a month passes, I'll leave this house. That's for sure. After that, let's restore our relationship as it was before."
"Okay, if that's what you want."
After nodding, I took her on a tour around the house.
The kitchen.
The toilet.
The changing room and bathroom.
Then a room about 6 tatami mats in size that I had prepared for Suzuhara-san.
TL/N: 1 tatami = 1.62 m², so 6 tatami = 9.72 m²
Both of us carried in cardboard boxes containing Suzuhara-san's personal belongings that had arrived via delivery, then I handed her the apartment key.
"Alright..."
After that, the classmate who had now become a roommate disappeared into the room.
Life together with an otaku friend...
Eating together, sharing impressions while watching anime in real-time, playing games in the living room until late at night, sitting close while discussing manga...
"I hoped to live a life like that... but well, I guess it's fine like this too."
In the room next to Suzuhara-san's room, lying on the bed, I whispered at a volume that she wouldn't hear.
In this situation, things from the list of things she wanted to do, like "[Eat together with Iori!]", were impossible to achieve.
What's more, "[Sleep together with Iori!]"... Well, there's no need to think about that anymore, clearly it's something that can't happen.
(Sabatora-san is not the same gender)
She's a 15-year-old girl.
In fictional stories, there's often a rapid development where the protagonist and heroine interact from the first day of living together, but in real life, the distance between strangers rarely decreases on its own.
"Besides being shy, is there another reason?"
Although it's just my feeling as a friend, I sense that there might be another reason behind her sudden change in behavior.
(But let's stop these speculations.)
Living together under one roof seems somewhat dull, but I'm happy if my friend can live comfortably. That's enough for me.
Yes, there won't be any problems.
However, only four days later, a problem arose.
"I'll be absent from school today due to the flu." It was at 07:28.
I wrote a message in the LINE group called 'Matsuoka Group'.
Not long after, Mitsuya Matsuoka, the founder of the group, immediately replied.
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