Chapter 02-- Monou-san's Perspective on Life (Part 3)
I don't know if it's luck or misfortune, but my work is still endless.
When I'm too busy with work, I can't think of anything else.
In the blink of an eye, it's time to finish work.
However, I still have to stay overtime for an hour or two to complete the tasks instead of going home right after work.
As I was leaving the company, I noticed some people who looked tired. They were probably from the editorial department. After eating outside, they probably had to return to the office to continue working. The editorial staff is used to working late or taking the last train home. It seems that working overtime in the sales department is still comparatively easier and less boring.
"So, Sanezawa, do you want to go somewhere for dinner?"
Kutsuwa said. We walked down the street together as we had just left the company.
"What should I say now..."
"Hey, are you okay? Your complexion doesn't look good today."
He asked me with a hint of concern, but then reluctantly said:
"All right, never mind! Let's go get a drink and have some fun! How about going to some places with girls?"
"What are you talking about? I already told you that I don't know those places."
"Hey, Sanezawa, you really lack enthusiasm."
"You say that without hesitation. You even dare to go to those places even though you have a girlfriend."
"Oh, I broke up with her."
He said it so casually.
Kutsuwa calmly explained.
Earlier, Kutsuwa had also shown me a photo of his girlfriend. According to what he told me, they met at a drinking party and she was a nurse... Is that true? And it turned out that they had already broken up.
"Nevertheless, we still see each other occasionally and have some fun together."
"Fun..."
I was surprised and speechless.
"...You mean friends with benefits?"
"Not to that extent. We split up because there were too many complications. But whenever we have free time, we fool around a little. That's the kind of relationship we have.
"..."
To me, his casual words felt like something from another world.
What could I say?
I never expected everyone to be like that.
It turns out that people in this society... are all like that.
But in this case... it seems pretty lax.
To have physical intimacy with such ease.
I've never had to think about it that much.
My concept of virtue is not so high that it's "No sexual relations unless married"... But for some reason I feel uncomfortable about "engaging in this with someone I'm not dating.
I think I'm putting too much emphasis on sexual relationships.
I used to think that s*x was the ultimate goal of love.
But that was the innocent perspective of a young, modern student, not the perspective of an adult.
Ah, I see. I apologize for the misunderstanding.
I have no right to judge others.
In the end, I still failed, despite my attempts to do so with Monou-san yesterday.
Under the influence of alcohol, I was driven by desire, craving that simple pleasure, and I tried to have a physical relationship with someone I wasn't dating. At first, I also thought, "It's not good to do this before a date," but with a naked body in front of me, I couldn't stop myself.
There was really no hope.
I'm really frustrated with how things turned out.
I'm not as innocent and carefree as a carefree child, but I'm also not as decisive and thoughtful as an adult.
I'm neither a child nor an adult. It seems I'm just stuck in the middle.
"But it seems she's looking for another man."
Kutsuwa, unaware of my sadness, continued to talk about his ex-girlfriend:
"Besides, this person is a doctor. I don't even remember her that well. But for some reason I can't help feeling sad. The woman I had a relationship with is about to be taken away by another 'quality' man."
"--"
I was surprised that he could say such a thing so casually.
Kutsuwa even joked, "In that case, it's like being 'played' by someone else," but I didn't want to hear any more.
A new man.
A man of better quality.
Eh, that's right.
Why didn't I think of that?
I was just thinking about myself without thinking about others.
Monou-san's proposal.
If I refuse, what will she do next?
I immediately left Kutsuwa behind, went to the grocery store to buy a bento box, and returned home.
After eating dinner alone as usual, I began to think carefully and made a decision.
I threw the empty bento box in the trash and made a phone call.
Although I had her contact information, this was the first time I called someone for such a personal matter.
"Hello."
The person I was calling was Monou-san.
"Sorry for calling you. Are you free now?"
"Yes. I just finished taking a bath."
Bath.
I involuntarily jumped. But now it's too late to be surprised by such things. My reaction can no longer be that of a junior high school student.
Because... I want to talk to her about more than that.
"Yes... Why did you call?" Monou-san continued,
"And I think I already know. I guess you have an answer to my suggestion, right?"
"Yes."
I replied.
I decided to agree.
"Eh... But please let me confirm, just one question."
"Confirm?"
"If... you decline the offer - what will you do in the future, Chief Monou?"
"Well, I suppose."
She paused for a moment and said:
"If Sanezawa-kun won't accept - maybe I'll have to find someone else."
I felt like I couldn't breathe. Even though that was probably her answer, hearing it directly from her mouth made my body feel crushed by that empty and helpless feeling.
Yes, that's right. That's the way it should be.
I'm not special either.
The target - find someone who fits.
It doesn't have to be me.
If it's not me, find the next target.
Find another man.
Find a man with good fertility.
Because her desire is simply for healthy sperm.
For a beautiful woman like Monou-san, finding someone to have s*x with at night is so easy.
Even if she were to search for a sperm donor on popular social media platforms, it would still be fine. Although I was shocked after researching it, there are even sperm donation services available now.
There's no shortage of methods.
There are a lot of potential candidates.
Even if I refused, she wouldn't find it inconvenient at all...
"Are you looking down on me? Who wouldn't be repulsed by the idea of being paired with an immoral woman like me who is always immersed in work? That's right. I sincerely apologize for burdening you with such troublesome matters-"
"I'll do it."
I said.
Without hesitation, I said firmly.
"...Ah?"
"I will do it. I accept Monou-san's proposal."
I repeated.
My words were firm and unwavering.
I wasn't joking.
In the end... it's just a very simple reason.
I'm nothing special in her eyes.
After understanding this, I finally expressed my true feelings.
To sum up... I don't like it.
I don't like the idea of seeing her in bed with another man.
I just don't like it.
I really don't like it.
Even I don't understand what this feeling is anymore.
Is it love? Or is it because "that thing" on my body has been stimulated, making it impossible for me to accept the fact that the woman who once had half of me has been taken by someone else? Or is it simply because I want a woman who can help me escape the life of a bachelor, someone who will listen to me and do what I say?
Is this love? Is it an innocent desire to possess? Is it dark desire? Is it jealousy of another man? Am I afraid in my heart that the woman next to me will have a relationship with another man?
Different emotions arise in me.
Even I don't understand what these confusing emotions in my heart are.
I don't like it.
I don't like to see my admired boss on the bed with another man.
I really don't like it.
Because she might have a relationship with someone else - so I have to do the same.
"If you accept someone like me, then I will try my best to cooperate. So I have something to ask you. Please allow me to do this with you!"
I said.
I didn't expect to speak so loudly.
A few seconds later she answered quietly:
"Thank you."
Just that one word of gratitude is enough to make me happy.
⚤
After the phone call with Sanezawa-kun, my body feels completely exhausted.
I lie down on the floor of my bedroom.
Holding the cell phone in my hand, I let out a sigh.
"It went well."
It went well.
It went really well.
I was worried about what to do if he refused.
As his superior, I always remind myself to be firm and decisive in front of him... But the truth is, I'm really worried... even scared.
Because... this is reality.
Suddenly someone is asking, "Don't get involved, just have my child."
It's strange for a woman like that not to be treated coldly...!
Besides, he is still young... And I am not young anymore.
I am almost ten years older than him.
At first I thought I was still young, but to a man in his early twenties, I must seem like an old woman.
Besides... it would be Sanezawa's first time. I find it difficult for someone inexperienced to accept my proposal.
Even if he refused, it would be understandable.
People might see it as normal.
But...
But if he rejects me... it would be embarrassing every time we see each other. I said, "Let's go back to being superior and subordinate like before," but our relationship cannot go back to that easily.
Also...
Sanezawa-kun might tell others about this.
If that happens... I will have no place in society.
Of course, I trust that he won't do such a thing... However.
Although it's hard to say... he might report me for sexual harassment.
Furthermore, simply put, a superior over 30 years old using his position to force a subordinate under 20 years old into a physical relationship. If that's not sexual harassment, what is?
I'm really scared.
Even though I know it's dangerous, I did it anyway.
Now I can breathe a sigh of relief.
"Please let me do this with you!"
"~~"
My head spins as I remember his words.
What is Sanezawa-kun saying...?
No, I'm not mistaken.
I'm sure I'm not wrong.
But he didn't have to express his feelings like that.
It's really simple, which makes me feel embarrassed.
His intense emotions seem to be an expression of love...
"There's no need for that."
At first I was very happy, but the deep coldness in my heart turned to ice and extinguished my joy. The warmth in my body suddenly turned cold.
Calm down.
Don't have these unnecessary emotions.
After all, Sanezawa-kun is a good person who accepted my request.
Yes, maybe he sees me as a woman to some extent.
But it's just sexual desire.
Certainly not romantic love.
A young boy like him couldn't possibly like a woman like me.
I'm a woman ten years older than him, with an unpleasant personality, focused only on work.
He can't love a woman like me.
He can't see any value in me other than sexual desire.
Maybe... he just agrees with me.
Women over 30 have already missed their prime, and even if they don't want to get married or have a romantic relationship, having a child is still their only desire. Such women are pitiful and hard to look at, so there probably won't be anyone else willing to help me.
"Well, that's fine."
That's good enough.
Whether it's consent or something else, it doesn't matter.
As long as I can get pregnant, that's all that matters.
That's why I chose him.
Maybe only Sanezawa Haruhiko... can fulfill my wish.
I want to impregnate someone - Tanaka Hinagizawa
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