Chapter 02 - Monou-san's Life Perspective (Part 2)
Around noon, my colleague Kutsuwa looked tired and said,
"Sanezawa, let's go eat. What are we having today?"
"Sorry, I have an appointment."
"Huh?"
"Manager Monou called me."
"Eh. Even during lunch, she still wants to control others. You have to put up with a lot, don't you?"
"Hahaha."
I laughed along with him.
If it were just trivial things or reprimands, it would be fine.
As for the meeting place, I knew it beforehand.
I walked from the business department to the nearby meeting room.
Meeting room number 5 - located deep inside.
We had agreed to meet there.
I took a deep breath and exhaled gently, then knocked on the door and entered the room.
It was a small, enclosed room that could hold about 5-6 people. Monou-san was sitting on the other side of the table, so I sat across from her.
"This is the first time I come to this room."
"People from the business department are not allowed to use this room. But it's very suitable for private conversations because hardly anyone comes here."
After saying that, Monou-san put a paper bag on the table.
On the paper bag is the label of a famous sandwich shop. The shop is also quite close to our company.
"I bought this earlier during lunch. If you don't mind, you can have it."
"Uh... That would be too much trouble."
"Go ahead, anyway, I was the one who called you here during lunch."
"Thank you. But I remember that eating and drinking are not allowed in the conference room..."
"Well... not many people follow that rule, so don't worry."
After she let out a small sigh,
"Yes, but you still shouldn't eat here."
"Because if we eat, we won't be able to discuss this." Monou-san said with a self-mocking tone.
"It seems like you're very serious."
After saying that, I decided to get straight to the point.
"About yesterday."
"Yes. I wasn't kidding about that."
Monou-san nodded slightly with a serious expression.
"Why...?"
"Why what?"
"Well... that thing... it's not normal at all."
I could only express my confusion like that because I didn't know how to articulate the doubts in my heart.
"Yes, you're right."
Monou-san continued to speak.
"I mentioned it yesterday... I know that my request to others is not normal at all. But... even I didn't expect that my words would be so hard to understand."
"Hey, Sanezawa-kun." Monou-san continued.
"I don't want to fall in love and I don't want to get married. But I do want to have a child... Do you find this wish difficult to understand?"
"That... that matter..."
"Maybe... I don't like the 'normal' that Sanezawa-kun just mentioned. Love, marriage, having children in a normal way, and that's the happiness of women - everyone propagates such rigid rules that I feel exhausted..."
She said it softly, but there was a strong determination in every word.
But at the same time she felt desperate.
"I don't want to deny other people's perspectives. It's just that right now I don't want to fall in love or get married... But who knows, in 5 or 10 years my perspective might change and I might end up marrying someone. But when it comes to children, I don't want that.
...
Oh, right.
Now I get it.
The difference between these things. It's only when it comes to children that it's completely different.
Getting married or falling in love can happen at any time.
Even when we become old couples, we can still do those two things.
But when it comes to children...
"I'm not young anymore... I'll be 35 in three years... This age is quite advanced in terms of reproduction, and the risks of pregnancy and childbirth are gradually increasing. So, no matter what, I want to take advantage of this time when I'm just over 30 to have a child quickly".
...
This is probably... her life plan.
She must have thought about it a lot to be so determined.
Someone like me can't change her mind no matter what I say.
When she's so determined, it's impossible to change her.
"Of course... I will try not to cause any more trouble for Sanezawa-kun. After the child is born, I won't ask you to 'take responsibility for your child,' nor will I ask for financial support. Just the legal papers will be enough."
Actually, I'm not sure... But maybe it's like this.
Even if our relationship progresses while she's pregnant, she may still want to raise the child on her own.
On the contrary, my presence would only become more inconvenient after the baby is born.
She doesn't want anything from me.
What she needs is not a person, it's my seed.
"So... that's right. Just think of me as a woman who is willing to listen and do what you say. You don't have to take any responsibility. As long as you're willing, if you want to satisfy your sexual desire, you can come to me.
"Satisfy my sexual desire..."
My heart is filled with indescribable feelings.
What are these feelings? If the beautiful boss has made such a request, is it enough for me to just feel happy?
Is the satisfaction of sexual desire all that matters?
Unfortunately, I can't imagine that.
My mind becomes confused and my heart feels pain.
"Excuse me, but what do you mean when you say that you will be a woman who listens to me?
I ask.
I can't imagine. Because until yesterday -- I was still an inexperienced guy? Well, technically I'm still an inexperienced guy..."
If I had experience.
If I had both experience and the habit of pursuing casual relationships.
Then I could definitely answer this question directly. Whether to refuse or accept, I wouldn't have to struggle like this.
"Well... I feel a sense of responsibility weighing heavily on me."
I don't want to blame the other person.
I... I just want to express my own inner anguish.
Anyway...
"I'm sorry. I truly apologize."
Monou-san bows her head in disappointment.
Her face appears shadowed, as if consumed by darkness, and it seems as if she is tormented by a sense of guilt.
Huh? Why is her mood suddenly...?
"That's right... Sanezawa-san, yesterday was your first time... It was a precious memory in your life... And I ruined it before it even reached its peak..."
"Eh... that matter..."
"Because I didn't expect it to happen so fast..."
..."
It seems that Monou-san is quite worried about the failure of my first experience.
Is she joking... No, she's not like that. Definitely not.
Honestly, I don't want her to worry about such things.
It feels like exposing a scar to someone.
"But, but I tried my best, didn't I? I did everything I could to preserve the best memories for you... Even when you accidentally touched some parts of my body, I just pretended not to notice..."
"Eh..."
Too cruel!
Those words were a deadly blow!
It's no different from being stabbed with a mortal wound.
"Actually, I don't have much experience either... But if you accept my request, I will guide you carefully next time... Ah? No... that's not right... What am I saying?!?!!"
"...Eh, please don't mention that again, okay? If you do, then I'm no different than an overly naive person."
Seeing Monou-san get upset, I had to gather my courage and say these words.
It's not like I'm begging her for mercy.
"Ehh... *cough* *cough*. We should calm down..."
Monou-san cleared her throat and let out a soft sigh.
Then she continued seriously,
"Alright, I've said everything."
She said that and left her seat.
"I also said it yesterday. I don't want to force you. If you don't accept, I hope you can honestly refuse."
"But," she continued,
"No matter what your answer is... I would be really happy if you could give a quick response. I already said it earlier... I don't... I don't have time to waste anymore."
After saying that with a self-mocking tone, Monou-san immediately left the room.
I remained silent, lost in thought for a while, and then I also took my sandwich bag and walked outside.
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